Wednesday, May 1, 2013

I'm THAT Girl

I talk cutesy. WAIT! It's not what you think, though! It's not baby talk. My mother did NOT allow baby talk! If we had to use the bathroom (which meant that we were in a house, otherwise it's a restroom), we had "BMs" and we "wet." Urinating was allowed but still too scatological. There was no PEE or POO in our house.

For that matter, I learned the basics about the birds and the bees at 4. Why do I remember this? Because I asked my father if he had a "you know what." He was shaving his face after a shower and wearing only a towel. He might have been a tad vulnerable when his youngest daughter wandered in to watch him shave. I loved watching him shave. But then I asked this explicit question.

"Daddy, do you have a peni$?"

I remember his answer well.


Needless-to-say, I didn't use THAT word for a very long time. However, this has nothing to do with talking cutesy. It's actually about my dad. See, I've thought about this condition I have--the cutesy speak--and my pondering made me realize that I got this from my father!

He used to sing seriously wrong words to familiar melodies. I do that--both of us bad about using hymns.

He liked to butcher words. Hospital? Nah, it was horsepistol. Oh yeah, do I ever I say that. So when I say "new-dew" for noodle, totally my dad.

My father was VERY literate. Probably one of the most intelligent people I've ever known. Which is why his goofy side was so endearing to me. And why it made such an impression.

Frankly, I was unaware of imitating some of his antics until my housemate in California commented on my singing bizarrely worded versions of familiar tunes--usually to and about my dogs. Example? Well, they're very extemporaneous. I know I use "Oh My Darlin" a lot. However, there was one often sung while walking the beasties: "Reeses is a teapot, short and stout. If you tip him over, pee comes out." (I got over my mom's rigidity with the English language.)

Now, combine this with my natural tendency to mix up consonants, and hooo boy! I'm a word butcher! My best cut? "Helpy to hap you." Total accident and is immortal with my best friend T. We helpy to hap each other all the time. 

These two elements make it very difficult for me to talk like an adult when I'm at home. Or in the car. Or the grocery store. And now, I've infected my husband. He thinks it's hysterical when I say "new-dew" or "hellwoe." I don't even realize I'm doing it until he laughs! And he's making up words/pronunciations/phrases. It's become so bad that we write these words out in chat! It's tair-uh-boo.

I'm thinking I need to infect a character with this condition.