Part of my childhood was spent watching Porky's 1, 2, 3 on "USA, Up All Night with Gilbert Gottfreid." I can't help it, I LOVED all three Porky's movies. GUILTY!
Once I reached 11 or so, I spent many a weekend night babysitting myself. I recall the pleasure of watching my mother get dressed up for yet another party at the Officer's Club. She'd smell amazing and look even more so. After my parents left, my father dashing in his Mess Dress and smelling divinely like the Old Spice he had stock piled from every present giving holiday, I would apply mom's lipstick and play in her jewelry for an hour or so. My elder sisters are enough older than me that it's feasible to say I was an almost only child. Almost. My middle sister is 5 and half years older. Because we were military, we never attended any of the same schools, but even so, that kind of distance would have been a significant barrier even without moving every couple of years. Our eldest sister is almost 2 years older than the middle one so they didn't escape sharing teachers.
On these quiet weekend nights, I would spend most of the evening, after tiring of rubies and Revlon, downstairs in the TV room. We always had a TV room. No TV was ever allowed in any other room. For most of my young life we had one of those huge TVs housed in a faux chest. Drawers that didn't open and, gasp, a dial! We didn't get cable until around 1983-ish.
My mom's sister had HBO at her house. When we visited, the adults weren't always aware that I was watching TV. Alone. I watched a wonderful movie that made me laugh and laugh (not yet Porky's). When we got cable, the movie was still playing. We had family movie night and sat down to watch ZAPPED with Scott Baio. Needless-to-say, awareness of my mistake dawned late. My parents sat petrified with horror as blouse after blouse blew open and not a single woman was wearing a bra! Ah cable. You strip the innocence from parents so early.
Here's a little perspective on my parents. One day, I was watching MTV with my sister--in the hopes of a Duran Duran sighting. Her hopes. I was just along for the ride. My mother caught me and unplugged the TV. So imagine if she knew that after she and dad went out, I walked into the den of disrepute and turned on "USA, Up All Night with Gilbert Gottfried!"
I saw many things in rerun: Flashdance, Fame, Porky's 1 2 3, Risky Business, The Sure Thing, Class, Oxford Blues, St. Elmos Fire. I knew I'd be in trouble if caught. I'm not sure what I loved most. Probably the movies with dancing. I'd don my legwarmers and dance around the room, or do flips over the couch, over and over for hours.
But here's what I remember about Porky's. Morality. YES. I didn't mistype. I retained the stories of standing up for right against bigotry and hypocrisy. I still love the Principal and the Reverend going at it over Romeo and Juliet. "So sayeth the shepherd! So sayeth the flock!" "Get the flock out of here!"Yes, there was the constant effort to get PeeWee laid but somehow this didn't make as big an impact as shaving the KKK boys bald and then playing their hypocrisy over the loud speaker. Or framing the Commissioner for seducing an underage girl. Ahhhh, the barf mixture. Yes, there's the famous penis in the shower with Ballbreaker holding on for dear life. Who can't laugh as the coaches and principal roar hysterically over the description of the offending appendage! "Now that penis had a mole on it - I'd recognize that penis anywhere."
But for me a favorite moment is but a blip in the Porky memorable moments. Forever more will I squeal "Woogey Boogey, Boogey!" and fall over laughing. That's a zombie I can love.
This was brought to you while listening to "Pretty In Pink"
sang by The Dresden Dolls on the High School Reunion Album
